[Let's show] a generation of kiddies raised on Darkest Hour and the Black Dahlia Murder how we old farts really do shit up in this bitch.

My expectations for band reunions are usually pretty low—like, Van Halen low. My expectations for death metal band reunions are even lower—like, Candlebox low. Sure, the semi-recent rebirths of both Obituary and Suffocation produced a pair of decent records from each. And Morbid Angel’s fence-mending with frontman David Vincent did lead to a Decibel cover story in early 2005. (Uh, how’s that new studio album coming along, dudes?) But it seems that in the past few years everyone who was barely anyone—from Cerebral Fix to Brutality to Resurrection—have, er, resurrected in a dubious attempt to recapture the gory glory and modest payday of the late ’80s/early ’90s death metal eruption.

Our own J. Bennett thoroughly examined this phenomenon with his excellent “Back From the Dead” piece [November ’06, #25] on the pros and cons of metal band reunions, concluding it’s often best to let sleeping corpses lie. Of course all of this talk of “legacy” and “integrity” flew out the fucking window the moment both Carcass and At the Gates—who have each been defunct for over a decade—announced in October that they’d be reforming to play some European summer festivals in 2008. Seriously, this is the kind of news that sends sweatpant boners rising from Tampa to Gothenburg. And yeah, my expectations were um, growing, too.

So why are these reunions so different? Well, beyond the simple satisfaction derived from showing a generation of kiddies raised on Darkest Hour and the Black Dahlia Murder how we old farts really do shit up in this bitch, there’s the obvious nostalgia factor. You know what that means, people: a spike in Choosing Death sales—woo-hoo! Also, I know for certain that Carcass frontman Jeff Walker has been growing his “just in case” hair since 2005. Although I’m having trouble convincing him to bring back the dreadlocks, so I encourage each of you to MySpace message him this demand. Plus, ATG vocalist Tomas Lindberg has personally assured me that “we will be good—promise.” The return of his matted ropes, however, is much less likely.

But whatever—I’m officially psyched.

Now, has anyone got Chris Reifert’s phone number?